Nothing makes me angrier than my dad watching The Walking Dead with me and describing all the things the characters are doing wrong and elucidating how they could defeat the zombies in an hour.
"Just cut off their legs."
"When you get in a bind, take all that extra animal meat you have and throw it at them, then escape while they are distracted."
Some day all this will seem like a far-off dream. And then that day will eventually seem like a far-off dream too. Each memory is filtered through each new experience, then through each remembering, day after day, until it all stretches out behind you, an unwieldy mess of a lifetime of bewildering sensation. We are reeling through an existence of immeasurable size and mystery; how can one squishy organ process it all?
You curate your own memories. Like me, I sometimes visit old memories and reimagine them as though Everything Went Very Well. As I am doing this, another part of my brain worries that the recast memory will supplant the “real” one, and the arcade of my life will become a veneer of wishes. However manageable and pleasing that might be, the part of me that struggles to be honest and unselfish rails against it.
I cope with this by watching wayyy too much tv. The human-made stories of human experience can be primly packaged in a forty-minute show. It is easily digestible.
Did you know I love writing? Possibly as much as I love making music. Maybe I should be a science writer.
i am pretty useless today. i blame a lack of sleep, although the dinner in palto alto last night was worth it.
my project report and poster have been approved for unclassified unlimited release. i am waiting to receive my project materials—4’x3’ poster, project report, video, pictures—from my supervisor in albuquerque.
i’m in the home stretch of my transfer to a university. as long as solano doesn’t start cancelling classes, i am on track to have everything ready for applications in november. i’m thinking i will apply to uc davis, sac state, and any other school that offers a second baccalaureate degree. i’m hoping cal poly slo will, but i haven’t checked.
It’s Friday. My ninth week here is ending. Next week, I work Monday and Tuesday. I give my presentation Wednesday afternoon. I am not done with my project! I need more time! Agh. Maybe things will go more smoothly today than they did yesterday. Maybe I’ll work through the weekend. Sigh, the end is so close I can TASTE IT
One of the heretofore alien things about this internship is having entire free evenings pretty much every day. I don’t have homework per se; in fact I am not allowed to take work home because some of it might be classified! Who knows?
My point is: free time. And I’m using it tonight to once again go rock climbing. I hadn’t planned to, and when the offer came down, I wanted to decline, but I am forcing myself to go out. Maybe i will not regret it and maybe that is all we can ever hope for.
I did a lot this weekend. Apart from going in to work both days, I managed to see another Topes ball game and hang with a bunch of Chamorros.
The ball game happened as a result of trying to find a reason to hang out with a dude I met during orientation seven weeks ago. He mentioned it to his coworker who happened to 1) have season tickets and 2) have no other people to bring. So we went up to the club area upstairs with an elevator man in the elevator for some reason who asks you “what floor” and you answer “third floor” and then he says “haha what FOR” and “what, FOUR??”
Ok no, he didn’t do any of those things, just silently pleaded for tips with his little plastic cup.
Back to the story: our venture capitalist hosts (the husband was anyway) bought the first round, after which I had conveniently had enough to drink; I bought myself kind of a gross hot dog. Later my friend bought everyone super gross barbecue nachos that everyone but me actually wanted and liked.
Knowing that I wasn’t going to buy anyone anything, I did my best to be good company. PS the best part of the game was getting the promotional free Topes jersey.
Then on Saturday I went to a park on base for the annual ABQ Guam Liberation Day Celebration. The manumko’ welcomed me: Frank Cruz, Peter Quichocho, Tracy Leon Guerrero, and Edmund Flores. Shortly after helping to set out the estufao, I had a bud light in my hand. Peter Quichocho said the blessing, and everyone lined up to eat. It was good to stuff myself with red rice and BBQ chicken. The kelaguen was not the worst I’ve had, not by a lot, but cannot compete with ours. Ours is just magic. The fina’ denne’ was not hot enough.
Uncle Ed set up his volley ball and we played for a couple hours. I was three beers deep and in danger of falling asleep. About five o’clock everyone was played out after the Old vs. Young. I was on the old side! I am nearly thirty.
I didn’t meet anyone I could identify as a relative, but without Daddy or anyone else I had very little to go on.
Peter Quichocho got my number and says they will have me over for dinner before I leave; Uncle Ed has invited me to spend the whole weekend of August 3 at his house, for hanging out and barbecue. I am lucky to have Grandma—who allegedly would let kids who forgot their lunch money at St. Anthony’s get food anyway—as my grandma. Uncle Ed remembers her very well. Everyone was hospitable, as Chamorros often are.
I rode my bike home afterwards, tired and dirty from the volley ball.
Then I got up early to do laundry and go into the lab AGAIN. It’s not all bad, because as I am discouraged from doing any overtime, I will be taking plenty of time off this week. Just gotta get some work done. I mean all work. I gotta present in three weeks, and not a lick of analysis has been done!! AAARR
Til next time, which may be in California!
It has been an active week! On Monday, I attended the first class of a four-week beginning yoga course. There were mostly older folks in there, and the class is focused more on flexibility. We went through the sun salutation. I liked it, and I’m not terrible at it.
Then last night I went to a climbing gym with a friend. (He’s really my coworker’s friend, but I wanted to go climbing and he had a standing invitiation.) We were there for two hours, entirely on the “bouldering” structures. I learned I do not have very good grip strength, and today I am having trouble closing my hands. I also got and popped several sores, so I’ve got a bunch of raw skin on my fingers. It’s actually pretty painful when I wash my hands or the dishes. I really enjoyed the experience, and maybe I’ll make a hobby of it??
Rather less than ideally, I’m only just now starting to get usable data from my experiments. These last four weeks will be PACKED. I had considered going into the lab this weekend, but interns are not technically allowed to be there on the weekend without someone there; I’ll have to talk to my supervisor about this more.
Today is a day for errands, and I am going to buy groceries and socks.
I ate a donut this morning, which I am presently regretting.
Guys it’s a real orchestra, I can hear trumpet, clarinet, strings…maybe this will be worth the 10-mile bike ride